I'm a wimp, I know...

Wow,
Ok,
My embarrassing story of the day...
So I went in to the doctor to get a "questionable" mole removed...
(It was "exposed" to too much Aussie sun)
The Doc froze my arm up
(With a stupid needle)
And started cutting away
(They do a football shaped cut around the mole)
I was doing really good and was quite proud of myself for not being sick
(I get sick really easily around blood and medical smells)
Then he started stitching me up
(I had to get three stitches)
And I was still ok
(As in not dieing)
It hurt kinda bad when he tightened the stitches
(he basically ripped my shoulder off to get them tight)
But then it was all done and he said I was good to go
(He had cleaned up the blood from my gushing wound and had bandaged it up)
So got off the table and stood up
(I had been laying down on my side)
As soon as I stood up I started feeling a bit weird
(As in dizzy, sweaty, sick to my stomach)
The doc asked me if I was ok
(I remember saying something like "I don't know")
And the next thing I know I'm on the ground and everyone's leaning over me
Turns out I had passed out
But the doc had kinda suspected it as soon as he saw me
So he was able to catch me

Anyways that was a long way to tell a short story...
I passed out for the first time ever
And I feel stupid
Because it was for no good reason...

Me too:

I:
.hate talking on the phone
.am musically charged (it can motivate me to do great things, or crush me down to nothing)
.am a huge worrier
.am terrified of the unknown
.am actually really lazy
.am scared of heights, and get a crazy adrenaline rush from rockclimbing (no ropes)
.have a hard time listening for God
.actually don't mind the colors pink and purple (but only in certain shades)
.want to go skydiving, but NOT bungee jumping
.love black and white photos
.love hanging out with kids (any age)
.have a passion for leading unorganized groups
.love making people laugh
.am still unsure about my leadership abilities (not that I have them, but if I know how to use them)
.could comfortably live in the middle of the jungle, but also could stay in North America
.want to live a radical, barbaric, Christ following life, but am unsure how it all begins
.have control issues (no really?!) and have a hard time giving up my life to God
.have no idea what to do with my life
.don't really want to go to college
.learn from experiences
.love playing in the rain, but would way rather have a boiling hot day
.have issues with ownership (like things to have "have my name on them")
.love willow trees
.hate being depressed
.want to start a new stage of life- a fresh, excited, passionate, yet guarded new me


the end for now...

This is me:

[In an attempt to better understand myself and who I am... maybe you'll learn something new too]

I:
.love being outside
.have never cared about germs
.am totally ok with being dirty (or not taking a shower for a week)
.hate spiders
.care alot about what people think of me
.love romance movies
.love dancing
.am a picky eater
.hate my teeth with a passion
.am deeply attached to my family
.love sleeping in hammocks (even though I can't spell it)
.am afraid of men I don't know

... 2 be continued...
I ran out of time...

By the way...

You know who you are,
But that quote below is dedicated and was written for you...
Because I love you and have felt what you're feeling...
You're beautiful,
Strong,
And Talented.

I Miss you.

Painted Flowers and a Heart that seeks...

Something is happening inside of me guys...

I don't know what it is,

But something is going on.

I feel a stirring,

A call,

A longing...

Yet inside of me there is so much doubt,

Confusion,

Worry,

Uncertainty.

I feel so shallow,

Like I've built up a wall around my heart,

To convince myself (and others) that I'm strong, independant, and deep in God.

But hiding behind that wall I am standing,

Weak, unwise, and unsure where God is in my life.

So I turn to the Bible and prayer,

I immurse myself in traditions and rituals,

That look right and seem right,

But that go in one ear, by-pass my heart, and out the other ear.

And when I don't find that missing piece there,

I turn away completely...

Tired,

Depressed,

Crushed.

Then,

A reminder,

Just some petty words,

But they cause a blow to the head (and to the heart).

And:

"I fall back in Blind Faith,
Believing in what I cannot feel,
Trusting in what I've seen in the past,
Hanging on for dear Life to the Hand that I've held before,
Patiently waiting for Him to be my Tears,
To wash it all away.
Sitting,
In silence,
Listening for those whispered Words that I want so badly to hear,
"I love you my Child"
And in the Darkness,
A Light begins to grow,
Revealing that,
All along,
He was always there,
Watching me,

Guiding me,

Loving me."

----------------------------

I've been reading a book called "The End of Religion" and it talks about how we've been given a slightly false idea of how "religious" Jesus was... I mean, His first miracle was to turn Holy hand washing water in party Wine!

The part that hit me the most though was when the author talked about how these days we try to read our Bible and stuff to find God, when really- God finds us, we respond in our hearts, and then we react by reading the Bible. It was like my own brick wall hit me in the face. All this time I've been trying to find the clue to Passion in the Words, when really I should be looking directly to Christ where I can make an instant connection. I was using words to fill a hole where only the Spirit could fit.

I still feel really shallow, like I don't know anything about God or what it means to follow Him... I think I've grown up taking Him and His Life for granted, never looking for new ways to serve Him or Know Him... It's like I've gone back to the baby stages /again/ and have to start all over.

Learning to trust,

To follow,

To seek,

To Love.

I suck.

Hey guys...

An insanely quick update, as I am in the Library taking up someone elses time.

Work has been going steady... Still 12 hours a days, 5 days a week. I'm having trouble getting my sea-legs, so I'm sea-sick all the time... but yeah... I deal.

Actually I feel pretty good... all the fresh air is good for me I guess. :P

But if you guys could pray for my spiritual life that would be AWESOME. I'm finding it hard not having people here who challenge me or teach me... I feel really shallow.

Anyways... I love you all HEAPS!!!
MISS YOU!

Junior Deckhand Liz

The Ingredients for Life:

30 Minutes of country music

1 Sunglasses tan

1 Watch tan

2 Huge blisters

2 Manwiches (Meatloaf on bread)

1-2 Cans of Diet Coke

12-14 Hour work shifts

Mix together with only 5 hours sleep and some 6 foot waves. Let sit in rain and 72 degrees F for 2 and a half weeks and you have a homesick but content Liz.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while guys... But work has been pretty crazy. This weekend (Labor Day) was the busiest the Ferry Line has had. On Friday I worked 14 hours and then 12 hours for the rest of the weekend. It's been hard cause I get really sea-sick, and even though I'm glad I gave this a try, it's not something I want to do for much longer. It's a little too slow paced for me. I need excitement, adventure, and a fast paced atmosphere.

But still... It's been good being here. I can feel God working in my heart though all this. It's like I went back to the beginning and started fresh with Him. It's cool... I've been reading though Romans 12 once every day... and the one verse that sticks out to me every time is verse 12

"Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder" (The Message)

I know that physically and mentally I'm going through some harder times, but I also know that God wants to use those to break me down and build me up stronger.

Also, I just want to say that I'm sorry for being so bad about keeping in touch with you guys one-on-one... I want to so bad, but having limited internet access and so much work... Man, I love you all so much. You guys all mean so much to me and I'm insanely thankful for you and to you for all your prayers and love.

Well, I'm babysitting my cousins today, so I should go and let my "motherly instincts" take over. :P

Lot's of Love!