Just one of those Days

I'm in a bad mood today.
I just wanted to let you all know that.
Not that you knowing changes anything.
I just feel like screaming
and crying
and punching something
or someone.

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Ag.

I'm leaving.

Personally Made...

This is kind of inspired by one Jill did a while back... but I liked it... so here it is.

Liz Geddert
ESTJ, Overseer, Protector, Kinesthetic, Musical
Primary Funstion: Extraverted Thinking
Population: 11% (13.5% Male, 8.5% Female)


ESTJ - The "Overseer"
ESTJs are responsible, logical, norm-following hard workers. Their efforts are carried out in a practical, structured manner. ESTJs trust facts and experiences more than theories. They are decisive, loyal, tradition observing individuals. They enjoy being the person in charge and often make good supervisors.

Extraverted Thinking Function
Thinking people make decisions based on logic, so the Extraverted thinking function allows a person to organize and categorize things, thoughts or arguments. It is the ability to see the logical consequences of actions. It follows sequence and organization.

SJ Temperament - The "Protectors"
SJs are observant, stable and motivated by a need to maintain security. They are realistic, routinized administrators requiring tasks be completed correctly and that people behave appropriately. SJs make thorough examinations to ensure everything is done according to plan. They make sure no more and no less credit is given than due. When a need arises, they are quick to provide a solution, provided that the need is justified. SJs are not driven by impulse, but rather by concrete fact. By virtue of their reliable, diligent, industrious, persevering nature, they make excellent leaders.

Bodily/Kinesthetic Intelligence
People with Kinesthetic intelligence love movement. They enjoy sports and/or dance. They are good at building things and like to stay active. They have good motor skills and are very aware of their bodies. They learn best through movement and experimentation.
Common Characteristics:
-Learns by "doing"
-Would rather touch than just look
-Well-coordinated withgood motor skills
-Likes figuring out how things work
-Enjoys the outdoors
-Likes to work with hands
-Can't sit still for too long
-Enjoys sports and exhilarating experiences
-Likes to be active
-Has a lot of physical energy
-Athletic

Musical Intelligence
People with musical intelligence love music. They appreciate rhythm and composition. They are gifted with the ability to compose, sing and/or play instrument(s). Able to recognize sounds, tones and rhythm, they have a "good ear" for music. They learn best through lectures and often use rhythm and music as a way to memorize things.
Common Characteristics:
-Have good rythm
-Can easily memorize songs
-Notice and enjoy different sounds
-Often singing, whisling or tapping a song
-Talented with an instrument or singing
-Can tell when a note is off-key
-Often have a song running through their head
-Have an unquenchable passion for music

Interpersonal Intelligence
People with Interpersonal intelligence are good with people and thrive in social interactions. They are good at reading, empathize and understanding others. They are good at working with others and have many friends. They learn best through interaction and dialogue.
Common Characteristics:
-Empathetic
-Extraverted
-Enjoy social events
-Love groups and crowds
-Enjoying teaching others
-Have many friends
-Enjoy team sports
-Like to counsel others
-Love meeting new people
-Cooperative in groups
-Sensitive to others' moods

The Two Things I Love the Most...

My two biggest loves this Friday are:

1. Chinese Noodle Soup of course!!

2. A new Journal!

I wish I could understand my love for new journals and blank pages... there's something inspiring about the potential they have I guess...

Haha... I just realized that in that picture you can actually read a bit of what I wrote... oops. Just don't try too hard to figure out what it says...

Tears and a Rant...

Quest: a year long "Adventure Discipleship" course at Columbia Bible College.
I've been wanting to do this course since forever. A course that lets me learn where I love to be - outside. I started the application process like 2 months ago, finally got it finished about 8 days ago, and got told I would be contacted in 1 - 2 weeks about acceptance. Basically, from what I've heard, it's pretty hard to NOT get accepted...

I got the phone call today.

I'm not accepted.

Want to know why?
Actually I don't care if you want to know why or not, I'm going to tell you, because I am PISSED. (Yes mum, if you read this, I said a bad word. :P) I didn't get accepted because I AM A HOMESCHOOLER!!!! Basically because I don't have "English 11 or 12" and only did 6 months at Capernwray. She told me to take a course or 2 at TRU and try again next year. I hung up the phone and spent the next 10 minutes bawling in my room... another dream down the drain.

I told my parents and they weren't very impressed either. They said they would try and get ahold of some people and see what was going on. I guess technically CBC can't reject me because I'm a homeschooler... they need to at least do an English proficancy test.

But yeah, I'm in a bad mood now so I'm leaving and not thinking about it for awhile......

Climbing the 2020 Summit...

Hmm... so I started this with a good plan for what I would write... but I just totally forgot everything I was going to say.
Maybe it's cause I'm watching Bones right now. (Probably the best show EVER).

Ok. So.
I just got back from 4 days in Canmore. No, I did not get to go skiing... quite the opposite in fact. I spent all 4 days indoors, sitting through seminars and group sessions. I was there for the 2020 Summit, a conference put on by the Baptist Conference of Canada for "emerging leaders in the church". I didn't really think it was very leader specific, but still an awesome chance for young adults to grow and learn together.

I was there for 4 group devotional and/or worship times, and got to pick 3 seminars to go to. The 3 I picked were: The Big Career and Calling-Discerning God's Will, Talking the Jesus Story, and Earth Crammed with Heaven-God, Culture, and You. The 2 group sessions were on "Personal Style Inventory" (personality types) and Spiritual Gifts.


So:

Devo #1 - Mark 4:35-41
*When we follow Christ, He will lead us into storms.
*God shows up in the storms.
*Our tendancy is to doubt the goodness of God when storms come.
*We find peace not in the absence of storms, but in the presence of Christ.

Devo #2 - Matthew 5:1-16
*Side notes: some writers/theologians think that the Beattitudes were written more as "congratulations" then a list of "rules". As in "Congratulations to you people before me with pure hearts, you will see God".
*God is offering us a life of impact.
*We are to live a life radically different then the world we live in - the tamer we become, the less influence we have.
*How?
*"We are the salt of the earth" - we are to bring the flavor out of life, to make it better, preserve it. We are to be rubbed in the wounds of our broken society, to heal it.
"We are the light of the world" - we are to help lead the way, to live a life that when people look at us, they will know where to go. We can't shine our light in their eyes though, we must go along side them so they can see the way.
*Emphasis on showing, not telling.
*Am I ready to trade my ordinary life for the "extreme" life God offers?

Discerning God's Will -
1. God's will is not so much about the unknown future as it is about the present tense.
*God's will for us is in the present and:
-it will probably be vague
-it will probably not reveal the ending
**The best way to ensure that I am where God wants me to be tomorrow or years from now is to follow God today and focus on the present.
*Have I been obedient to following God TODAY?
2. God's will is not so much about me as it is about God.
*"Not what I will, but what you will"
**Sometimes God takes away our dreams because He has something bigger and better.
3. God's will is not so much a target to hit or a closed container to fit into as it is a personal, life-long, adventurous relationship.
*"Life is like a journey":
-the final destination is fixed and determined (though we might not know what it is)
-the route getting there is as different as each person
-each journey has its share of hardships and adventures
-any journey requires a day to day commitment
-any adventure worth its while requires an experienced travel guide
4. God's will is not something that is fixed and inflexible; rather it is flexible and fluid and encompasses our failures.

That one was definatly the best of the ones I went to.

Personal Style Indicator -
Though this was a test that I'd never seen before, I still "scored" a description like what I normally get. I scored high in "Behavioral" (Action) and "Affective" (Expression) which leads to the following description:
Behavioral action and expressive tendencies are both high in this personal style pattern. These types of people are energetic, confident, and willing to explore new ways of improving things. There is often a mixed reaction to these individuals. On one hand, their energy, optimistic attitude, wordiness, and fortitude impress others, but their drive to get results might interfere with others' feeling comfortable with them. There is often a need for people with this pattern to work on balancing their result orientation with more consideration for human relations. Others are attracted to them and fascinated by them, but can feel intimidated by their high energy and unusual creativity. People with this pattern can exhaust themselves with their own energy.
(Give me some feed-back on this guys... does it sound like me? How am I different/the same?)

Spiritual Gifts -
This one was interesting for me cause, though I kind of had an idea what mine might be, I had never taken a spiritual giftings "test". It was interesting as well that, as you will see, my "gifts" really go along with my personality... all except for one. A quote that the speaker said really encouraged me - "Sometimes our gifts are meant only to be used within the bounds of the Church/Ministry". And I'll come back to that in a sec.
The following are my 5 gifts in order of highest to lowest scoring (the highest you can get is a 12):
1. Leadership (12) (confidence to step forward, give direction, and provide motivation)
2. Administration (11) (formulate, direct, and carry out plans)
3. Musical - vocal/instrument (11) (express faith, provide inspiration and comfort)
4. Pastoring (9) (the confidence, capability, and compassion to provide spiritual leadership and direction)
5. Wisdom (9) (sort through opinions, facts and thoughts in order to determine a solution)
The 2 places I'm definatly not gifted in are writing (3) and service (3).
But back to that quote. I have always felt like my musical skills were different/"lacking" somehow... cause no matter how long I would practice for, the only things that ever made sense were chords and worship songs. I would think to myself "well I guess the only thing I'm good for is playing accustic on the church music team"... but now it's more like yeah! That's how God has gifted me. My music is not meant to go past the Church, it was meant for the Church.

So yeah...
That's all I can really think of right now... I think this is the longest post I've ever done......
Let me know what you think.

And so my heart feels...

doubt.
loneliness.
fear.
love.
anticipation.
anger.
remorse.

at loss for words.
fearing the future.
feeling lost.
laughing at myself.
confused why.

so many decisions.
so many doors.
everyone but me knowing how my life should be.

Papa God is present.
he's not talking.
waiting.

humbled i come.
surrendered i fall.
before Him.

He is present in this mess of my life.
i'm stuck.
unmoving in my stupidity.
He stands by.
and waits.

through all the questions,
mistakes,
dead-ends,
and lies,
He has been there for me.
sometimes i ignore Him.
sometimes i run to Him.
but always He waits.

tears.
a heart that's breaking.
a passion that's growing.
a love that's pulsing.

so long with no feelings.
so long with no emotions.
invasion.
He enters in.
He loves me into His arms.
and so my heart feels...