Oh Boy...

So basically I'm speechless...

Like I actually don't know what to say.

Here is the object of my speechlessness...

Now you may be thinking that they're just flowers... I thought the same thing when I first saw them sitting on our kitchen table. However, you can imagine my surprise when I was cheekily informed that the flowers were for me. Obviously confused I looked to see who they were from... the box gave only a hint: they had been shipped from Edmonton and there was a "Personalized Note" inside. By now of course my family is going crazy... you guys know them... heckling and harassing. So I tear open the "Personalized Note", skip the note, and go straight to the sender. At first I didn't recognize the name and had to read it a few times... so I went back to the note. It reads:

Please accept this token of sincere friendship. I am forever grateful to have you as a friend. I'll never forget. Always smile, that is what got to me first.

As I finished reading it aloud my jaw dropped. All of a sudden I knew who it was. I just about died...like actually...as I mentioned earlier, I was speechless. When the initial shock wore off I started laughing and couldn't stop.

But now that I've told you story I should probably tell you who sent the flowers... not that you'll know him. But I'm sure some of you have at least heard of him from me telling you stories.

We met on Washington Island in August of this year. He was the only one my age that worked for Washington Island Ferry Line so we got introduced. We talked a few times at work... and then he began to ask me out... again, and again. Each time I refused with various excuses, and each time he optimistically said "maybe another time". All the other guys teased me about it consistently. It got ten times worse when on the one day I decided to wear make-up to work, he coincidentally had some kind of minor heart attack and had to go to the hospital. They said it was my fault cause he'd never seen me with make-up on before. Heh. Anyways, I left with him and I on awkward terms due to the fact that I had basically ignored him for the last 2 weeks of work so I wouldn't "encourage" anything. I thought I had left it all behind when I came home... apparently not.

Which is why I have decided to never talk to boys again, and never leave the house without a sumo suit on and a paper bag over my head.

Thanks a lot Jill...

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God for you." -Jim Elliot

Recently Jill wrote this quote on her blog after seeing it on someone else's, and after reading it myself I couldn't get it out of my mind. I've been so confused and "distressed" about what to do with my life, where to go, when to go, if I should go... I have so many questions running through my mind, so many thoughts, I don't know what to do with them all. But this quote, along with what Jill said, really got me thinking.

I've been focusing so much on the future, that I've completely lost sight of where I am right now. Sure I can be/should be looking into some options for my future, but I can't let it consume me. There is so much I can be doing RIGHT HERE, and RIGHT NOW for Christ while I wait for Him to lead me. Some verses that came to mind as I was thinking about this are:

Psalm 37:7 (Amplified Bible)
Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him.

John 10:10b (New International Version)
I[Christ] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Romans 12:11 (New Living Translation)
Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

Just because I have no idea what my future is going to look like, doesn't mean that I can't be serving God enthusiastically while I patiently wait. I'm tired of wasting my life by doing nothing to grow and serve right where I am.

From now on my goal is to strive to be "all there", wherever I am. I want to live life with adandon*, trusting God to lead me on.

*Abandon (n)
1. the trait of lacking restraint or control; reckless freedom from inhibition or worry.
2. a feeling of extreme emotional intensity.

So really Jill, thanks for kicking me in the butt, and being an example of "living to the hilt every situation".
(though I don't think I'll follow your example as far as giving up so much electronic time :P )

'Tis the season to be Jolly...

.... Or not.

Don't get me wrong... I don't mind the whole Christmas season, even if it is over commercialized. (What holiday isn't??) I just hate the cold, dark weather. I don't even mind the snow... in fact, I have many good memories of GTing, hiking, and fighting in the snow. But when it gets so cold out that your breath freezes on your jacket, your lips turn blue, and your back aches from shivering, I want to just dig a hole and die. I hate it. It makes me depressed and lonely.

Also.

I'm staring at the calender, at the words "January 2008", and all I can think is "Holy Cow, I have no life..." I've been graduated for like 2 years and still have done nothing with my life. I mean I went to Aussie, and though it was an "experience", it had nothing to do with my future. I just feel so useless, so pathetic, so untrusting of God. I'm just so used to being in control of my future... I've always had a plan for what I wanted to do, dreams for my future, goals to accomplish... but now... God has stripped me of everything. I have no idea where to go, what to do. And I know... people tell me to "go until you see a red light", "as long as you're not going against God's Word, or directly against His will...". In no way am I saying that I've been getting bad advice... it's just that..... it's not that easy for me. When you have more then 1 good choice...which do you choose? I feel like I should just wait for God to specifically lead me, but it's been implied that that is lazy.

I know what I like doing, what I have passions for... but I have no idea how they could tie together to become a career. I don't even know what kind of school I should be taking, cause my 2 mains interests are hardly related... well they kinda are related, but not as far as schooling goes.

But anyways... I'm tired of talking about this already so I'm gonna go...

I guess I should also say that I'm not actually as depressed as this makes me sound... I'm just confused and over thinking everything.

So yeah.

By the way... I love you all and REALLY appreciate and am blessed with your friendships! You guys are all the BEST!!!

Praise You in this Storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again,
I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Casting Crowns - "Praise You in this Storm"