Oh Boy...

So basically I'm speechless...

Like I actually don't know what to say.

Here is the object of my speechlessness...

Now you may be thinking that they're just flowers... I thought the same thing when I first saw them sitting on our kitchen table. However, you can imagine my surprise when I was cheekily informed that the flowers were for me. Obviously confused I looked to see who they were from... the box gave only a hint: they had been shipped from Edmonton and there was a "Personalized Note" inside. By now of course my family is going crazy... you guys know them... heckling and harassing. So I tear open the "Personalized Note", skip the note, and go straight to the sender. At first I didn't recognize the name and had to read it a few times... so I went back to the note. It reads:

Please accept this token of sincere friendship. I am forever grateful to have you as a friend. I'll never forget. Always smile, that is what got to me first.

As I finished reading it aloud my jaw dropped. All of a sudden I knew who it was. I just about died...like actually...as I mentioned earlier, I was speechless. When the initial shock wore off I started laughing and couldn't stop.

But now that I've told you story I should probably tell you who sent the flowers... not that you'll know him. But I'm sure some of you have at least heard of him from me telling you stories.

We met on Washington Island in August of this year. He was the only one my age that worked for Washington Island Ferry Line so we got introduced. We talked a few times at work... and then he began to ask me out... again, and again. Each time I refused with various excuses, and each time he optimistically said "maybe another time". All the other guys teased me about it consistently. It got ten times worse when on the one day I decided to wear make-up to work, he coincidentally had some kind of minor heart attack and had to go to the hospital. They said it was my fault cause he'd never seen me with make-up on before. Heh. Anyways, I left with him and I on awkward terms due to the fact that I had basically ignored him for the last 2 weeks of work so I wouldn't "encourage" anything. I thought I had left it all behind when I came home... apparently not.

Which is why I have decided to never talk to boys again, and never leave the house without a sumo suit on and a paper bag over my head.

Thanks a lot Jill...

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God for you." -Jim Elliot

Recently Jill wrote this quote on her blog after seeing it on someone else's, and after reading it myself I couldn't get it out of my mind. I've been so confused and "distressed" about what to do with my life, where to go, when to go, if I should go... I have so many questions running through my mind, so many thoughts, I don't know what to do with them all. But this quote, along with what Jill said, really got me thinking.

I've been focusing so much on the future, that I've completely lost sight of where I am right now. Sure I can be/should be looking into some options for my future, but I can't let it consume me. There is so much I can be doing RIGHT HERE, and RIGHT NOW for Christ while I wait for Him to lead me. Some verses that came to mind as I was thinking about this are:

Psalm 37:7 (Amplified Bible)
Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him.

John 10:10b (New International Version)
I[Christ] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Romans 12:11 (New Living Translation)
Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

Just because I have no idea what my future is going to look like, doesn't mean that I can't be serving God enthusiastically while I patiently wait. I'm tired of wasting my life by doing nothing to grow and serve right where I am.

From now on my goal is to strive to be "all there", wherever I am. I want to live life with adandon*, trusting God to lead me on.

*Abandon (n)
1. the trait of lacking restraint or control; reckless freedom from inhibition or worry.
2. a feeling of extreme emotional intensity.

So really Jill, thanks for kicking me in the butt, and being an example of "living to the hilt every situation".
(though I don't think I'll follow your example as far as giving up so much electronic time :P )

'Tis the season to be Jolly...

.... Or not.

Don't get me wrong... I don't mind the whole Christmas season, even if it is over commercialized. (What holiday isn't??) I just hate the cold, dark weather. I don't even mind the snow... in fact, I have many good memories of GTing, hiking, and fighting in the snow. But when it gets so cold out that your breath freezes on your jacket, your lips turn blue, and your back aches from shivering, I want to just dig a hole and die. I hate it. It makes me depressed and lonely.

Also.

I'm staring at the calender, at the words "January 2008", and all I can think is "Holy Cow, I have no life..." I've been graduated for like 2 years and still have done nothing with my life. I mean I went to Aussie, and though it was an "experience", it had nothing to do with my future. I just feel so useless, so pathetic, so untrusting of God. I'm just so used to being in control of my future... I've always had a plan for what I wanted to do, dreams for my future, goals to accomplish... but now... God has stripped me of everything. I have no idea where to go, what to do. And I know... people tell me to "go until you see a red light", "as long as you're not going against God's Word, or directly against His will...". In no way am I saying that I've been getting bad advice... it's just that..... it's not that easy for me. When you have more then 1 good choice...which do you choose? I feel like I should just wait for God to specifically lead me, but it's been implied that that is lazy.

I know what I like doing, what I have passions for... but I have no idea how they could tie together to become a career. I don't even know what kind of school I should be taking, cause my 2 mains interests are hardly related... well they kinda are related, but not as far as schooling goes.

But anyways... I'm tired of talking about this already so I'm gonna go...

I guess I should also say that I'm not actually as depressed as this makes me sound... I'm just confused and over thinking everything.

So yeah.

By the way... I love you all and REALLY appreciate and am blessed with your friendships! You guys are all the BEST!!!

Praise You in this Storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again,
I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Casting Crowns - "Praise You in this Storm"

I'm a wimp, I know...

Wow,
Ok,
My embarrassing story of the day...
So I went in to the doctor to get a "questionable" mole removed...
(It was "exposed" to too much Aussie sun)
The Doc froze my arm up
(With a stupid needle)
And started cutting away
(They do a football shaped cut around the mole)
I was doing really good and was quite proud of myself for not being sick
(I get sick really easily around blood and medical smells)
Then he started stitching me up
(I had to get three stitches)
And I was still ok
(As in not dieing)
It hurt kinda bad when he tightened the stitches
(he basically ripped my shoulder off to get them tight)
But then it was all done and he said I was good to go
(He had cleaned up the blood from my gushing wound and had bandaged it up)
So got off the table and stood up
(I had been laying down on my side)
As soon as I stood up I started feeling a bit weird
(As in dizzy, sweaty, sick to my stomach)
The doc asked me if I was ok
(I remember saying something like "I don't know")
And the next thing I know I'm on the ground and everyone's leaning over me
Turns out I had passed out
But the doc had kinda suspected it as soon as he saw me
So he was able to catch me

Anyways that was a long way to tell a short story...
I passed out for the first time ever
And I feel stupid
Because it was for no good reason...

Me too:

I:
.hate talking on the phone
.am musically charged (it can motivate me to do great things, or crush me down to nothing)
.am a huge worrier
.am terrified of the unknown
.am actually really lazy
.am scared of heights, and get a crazy adrenaline rush from rockclimbing (no ropes)
.have a hard time listening for God
.actually don't mind the colors pink and purple (but only in certain shades)
.want to go skydiving, but NOT bungee jumping
.love black and white photos
.love hanging out with kids (any age)
.have a passion for leading unorganized groups
.love making people laugh
.am still unsure about my leadership abilities (not that I have them, but if I know how to use them)
.could comfortably live in the middle of the jungle, but also could stay in North America
.want to live a radical, barbaric, Christ following life, but am unsure how it all begins
.have control issues (no really?!) and have a hard time giving up my life to God
.have no idea what to do with my life
.don't really want to go to college
.learn from experiences
.love playing in the rain, but would way rather have a boiling hot day
.have issues with ownership (like things to have "have my name on them")
.love willow trees
.hate being depressed
.want to start a new stage of life- a fresh, excited, passionate, yet guarded new me


the end for now...

This is me:

[In an attempt to better understand myself and who I am... maybe you'll learn something new too]

I:
.love being outside
.have never cared about germs
.am totally ok with being dirty (or not taking a shower for a week)
.hate spiders
.care alot about what people think of me
.love romance movies
.love dancing
.am a picky eater
.hate my teeth with a passion
.am deeply attached to my family
.love sleeping in hammocks (even though I can't spell it)
.am afraid of men I don't know

... 2 be continued...
I ran out of time...

By the way...

You know who you are,
But that quote below is dedicated and was written for you...
Because I love you and have felt what you're feeling...
You're beautiful,
Strong,
And Talented.

I Miss you.

Painted Flowers and a Heart that seeks...

Something is happening inside of me guys...

I don't know what it is,

But something is going on.

I feel a stirring,

A call,

A longing...

Yet inside of me there is so much doubt,

Confusion,

Worry,

Uncertainty.

I feel so shallow,

Like I've built up a wall around my heart,

To convince myself (and others) that I'm strong, independant, and deep in God.

But hiding behind that wall I am standing,

Weak, unwise, and unsure where God is in my life.

So I turn to the Bible and prayer,

I immurse myself in traditions and rituals,

That look right and seem right,

But that go in one ear, by-pass my heart, and out the other ear.

And when I don't find that missing piece there,

I turn away completely...

Tired,

Depressed,

Crushed.

Then,

A reminder,

Just some petty words,

But they cause a blow to the head (and to the heart).

And:

"I fall back in Blind Faith,
Believing in what I cannot feel,
Trusting in what I've seen in the past,
Hanging on for dear Life to the Hand that I've held before,
Patiently waiting for Him to be my Tears,
To wash it all away.
Sitting,
In silence,
Listening for those whispered Words that I want so badly to hear,
"I love you my Child"
And in the Darkness,
A Light begins to grow,
Revealing that,
All along,
He was always there,
Watching me,

Guiding me,

Loving me."

----------------------------

I've been reading a book called "The End of Religion" and it talks about how we've been given a slightly false idea of how "religious" Jesus was... I mean, His first miracle was to turn Holy hand washing water in party Wine!

The part that hit me the most though was when the author talked about how these days we try to read our Bible and stuff to find God, when really- God finds us, we respond in our hearts, and then we react by reading the Bible. It was like my own brick wall hit me in the face. All this time I've been trying to find the clue to Passion in the Words, when really I should be looking directly to Christ where I can make an instant connection. I was using words to fill a hole where only the Spirit could fit.

I still feel really shallow, like I don't know anything about God or what it means to follow Him... I think I've grown up taking Him and His Life for granted, never looking for new ways to serve Him or Know Him... It's like I've gone back to the baby stages /again/ and have to start all over.

Learning to trust,

To follow,

To seek,

To Love.

I suck.

Hey guys...

An insanely quick update, as I am in the Library taking up someone elses time.

Work has been going steady... Still 12 hours a days, 5 days a week. I'm having trouble getting my sea-legs, so I'm sea-sick all the time... but yeah... I deal.

Actually I feel pretty good... all the fresh air is good for me I guess. :P

But if you guys could pray for my spiritual life that would be AWESOME. I'm finding it hard not having people here who challenge me or teach me... I feel really shallow.

Anyways... I love you all HEAPS!!!
MISS YOU!

Junior Deckhand Liz

The Ingredients for Life:

30 Minutes of country music

1 Sunglasses tan

1 Watch tan

2 Huge blisters

2 Manwiches (Meatloaf on bread)

1-2 Cans of Diet Coke

12-14 Hour work shifts

Mix together with only 5 hours sleep and some 6 foot waves. Let sit in rain and 72 degrees F for 2 and a half weeks and you have a homesick but content Liz.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while guys... But work has been pretty crazy. This weekend (Labor Day) was the busiest the Ferry Line has had. On Friday I worked 14 hours and then 12 hours for the rest of the weekend. It's been hard cause I get really sea-sick, and even though I'm glad I gave this a try, it's not something I want to do for much longer. It's a little too slow paced for me. I need excitement, adventure, and a fast paced atmosphere.

But still... It's been good being here. I can feel God working in my heart though all this. It's like I went back to the beginning and started fresh with Him. It's cool... I've been reading though Romans 12 once every day... and the one verse that sticks out to me every time is verse 12

"Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder" (The Message)

I know that physically and mentally I'm going through some harder times, but I also know that God wants to use those to break me down and build me up stronger.

Also, I just want to say that I'm sorry for being so bad about keeping in touch with you guys one-on-one... I want to so bad, but having limited internet access and so much work... Man, I love you all so much. You guys all mean so much to me and I'm insanely thankful for you and to you for all your prayers and love.

Well, I'm babysitting my cousins today, so I should go and let my "motherly instincts" take over. :P

Lot's of Love!

Captains Log #1

Date: August 20, 2007
Location: Michigan Lake
Time: 19:33

Today was my first day as a Pirate.
Basically I swabbed the deck.
Literally,
I helped scrub the Arni J. Richter from top to bottom,
Starboard to Port,
Aft to Bow.
I don't really have my sea legs yet though,
So I got a bit sea sick,
And it still feels like I'm on water.

After scrubbing the boat for a few hours,
We got interupted by an over-flow run request.
Meaning there were too many cars for the one ferry,
So we had to pause cleaning ours and use it for an extra run.
Which was great fun,
Cause I got be trained a bit early on what deck hands do.
Of course by that time I was soaked to the bone,
Had 2 HUGE blisters on my feet,
And hadn't had a break.
Never-the-less I struck out on this new grand adventure with a cheerful attitude and a open mind...
In the end,
That payed off...
Literally.
They decided to pay me a dollar more then they first agreed on.

However,
There is one downside to being friggin amazing...
People notice,
And when you're the only girl working,
It's the guys who notice.
Ugh.
There was really only one guy today...
And unfortunatly he's the only single guy my age.
Actually he's the only guy my age.
And I met him a few years ago last time I was here...
And he remembers me.
(I pushed him off a sea-do cause he was being stupid...
appearently he liked it.)
*Shivers*
Of course he was on my work crew,
so that was interesting.

Anyways,
I miss you all SO MUCH!
I'll see if I can get a pic or 2 up here,
But this computar only has dial up so that could be a tough one...

Joyful, Joyuful, We adore Thee...

Wow...
I'm having such a weird day.
Not weird as in bad weird...
But as in not normal weird.
My heart is filled with such Joy.
Not the happiness joy...
But the Joy that is left when all the good times are gone
And all that's left is God's love for me.
I want to go and dance around like a fool.
I feel odd.
Heh.
Anyways...



Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and shield.I trust him with all my heart.He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Less then a week left...

Hmm...
It's interesting these days.
Every time I think about leaving,
I get really excited,
And yet also really... thoughtful and sad.

I feel like I'm only just getting to know my friends here,
Or just meeting new people...
And now I'm leaving to a place where I'll hardly have anyone my age.

And yet,
I got a call from my Uncle the other day,
And he has a job for me on the Ferryline.
It would be pretty intense...
12 hour days,
Rain or shine,
Outside,
I'll be the only girl,
Physical labour.
It makes me really nervious,
And yet totally excites me at the same time.

I hate stuff like this..
Cause I want to do it SO bad...
But my insecurities, worries, and questions always seem to stop me.
I have such a hard time giving things over to God,
Trusting Him with every aspect of my life.

Also,
I keep questioning if this is really where God is leading me...
There have been quite a few things happening that make it kinda obvious that He is begind the planning of this...
And yet,
It's so hard for me to tell cause my doubt always gets in the way...

Anyways...
I'm in Kelowna right now for the Leadership Summit.
Which has been REALLY good so far...
But I gotta run.


Later days...

I gave in...

Well, I wondered how long I would last before I got a blog...
I lasted long enough I guess.
But now, due to the fact that I'm moving away in like 2 weeks, I figured (with the help of some others) I would finally start one up.

I am however warning you before-hand...
It probably won't be very exciting, or entertaining, or even interesting,
But it will be my "open heart", if you know what I mean.

There's no point to me starting this if i'm only going to talk about "how my day went"...
I want there to be something deeper...
You know,
Hopes and dreams,
Questions,
Prayers,
Confessions,
Stuff like that and more...

So yeah,
If you read this, you read it...
If you don't, more power to ya.